England may seem like it’s made of simple things, like mud, stones and grass, but that’s what they want you to think – at least according to some, who say “that’s what they want you to think”.
For, hidden from the seeing sight of the seeing eye lies a crisscross patchwork of so-called ‘ley lines’, that lay lying crisscrossed in a patchwork across the lay of the land.
First detected by Herefordian polymath Charles Watkins in one of the past’s centuries, the recondite clandestine channels are said to phase spiritual energies over land and under land, for reasons unknown.
Some have reasoned that the unknown reasons can be reasonably explained as merely well-trod trade paths, set’n’carved by a blizzard of ancient wizards as they went about their quotidian frothing. Who can, and/or, will tell?
Watkins, the man himself, suggested that the eerie lines might be the work of the devil or equally God himself or equally the French but, then, provincial put-upon peasants ponder possibilities, don’t they?
Today, mystic tricksters utilise ley lines as a nexus for commerce. But there’s more!
Actually, no! No, there isn’t. But there are facts.
Scientists found that those who stooped to do up their shoelaces while stood on ley lines had a 97% of chance of securing them so firmly that they were unlikely to unbind before reaching home, while those performing the same act on normal, unprofound terrain had a 96% of returning home un-untangled.
Other scientists found that puddles that formed over ley lines were slightly quieter when they splashed about in them in their wellies than puddles that pooled on mediocre ground.
Of course, like much else in the modern world that today is in, ley lines have become a hearty, irresistible target for speculation among insatiable members of the conspiracy theory community. It hardly helps that the town of Blool in Hampshire sits on a particularly sumptuous ley line, as the town of Blool (see earlier in this sentence) is capable of generating news stories such as the following, which appeared in March or September 1994/96 in Knocker Daily:
“A Blool patisserie frequented by high-ranking members of the Illuminati has been closed by officials.
“The village’s contra-council moved a quarter-motion to a full half-resolution to close the bakery outlet in Twin Bee Square on health and safety grounds.
“In February, hygiene wonks swooped in a surprise raid on the store and carted away dozens of jarred samples.
“Councillor Drudge Haversham bellowed approval for the edict at a basement committee meeting of council elders on Thursday at twenty-three minutes past eleven antemeridian, saying that “the well-being of the public should be our primary concern”.
“However, important bigwigs from the Illuminati are far from impressed with the closure.
“David Henderson, who covertly oversees all mining, energy production and agriculture in Central Asia, as well as being responsible for starting and running every war fought in the Middle East since 1989, said: ‘The levels of bureaucracy this current administration has created are stunning.
‘There was no need to close the shop. I understand that the proprietor [Higgins Whipper] wasn’t even given an opportunity to address the inspectors’ concerns.
‘It’s health and safety gone mad.‘
“Higgins Whipper has run the Manifold Patisserie since settling in the village in 1972.
“He was infamously tried in the mid-80s for the savage execution of 667 people in one of Bloor’s vinegar quarries. However, Vice Master Namcoo Hardlyson famously tossed the case out of the legal window because he ‘didn’t like it’.“
What else is there to be said? Flat-earther website www.the-earths-flat-yes-it-is-it-really-really-is.com claims ley lines are a kind of planetary sellotape, that bounds the whatever it is we’re supposed to be living on together, as it’s a bit ropey in places. And there you go.
Mysterious EnGland 
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